Director: Douglas Cheek
Starring: John Heard, Daniel Stern, Christopher Curry, Kim Griest
C.H.U.D. is a movie I’ve now tried to watch twice. The first time, several years ago, I drifted off somewhere midway through and never bothered to figure out which parts I missed. That’s all I remember from that first attempt. It’s been long enough that the actual plot to the film and all the names of the characters that move it along had slipped my mind. It’s the list of actors who appear in the film that had me try again this year. I wanted to know if it was just bad timing on my part, or if the movie really was that lame. I suspect that, before long, the only way for me to remember anything of importance about C.H.U.D. this time will be to go back and read my thoughts that I’m about to share.
First of all, let me just get out of the way the amusement I got from seeing Home Alone’s Daniel Stern and John Heard teaming up in this one. All that was missing was for an eight-year old boy to scream his fool head off. John Heard plays photographer George Cooper, whose days making big bucks in the fashion industry are behind him, his focus these days being on the homeless in the streets of New York. Daniel Stern plays A.J. (nicknamed “The Reverend”), who runs a soup kitchen that assures the homeless of a hot meal when they are in need. The paths of these two men will eventually intersect, along with that of NYPD Captain Bosch (Christopher Curry), whose wife goes missing after the film’s opening scene.
More people than just one police captain’s wife go missing. In fact, A.J. reports that several of his regulars are nowhere to be found, including all but one who made their home underground in the sewers. A.J. has also found several curious items down there, including a Geiger counter. Everything points to a cover up of some sort perpetrated by the Nuclear Regulatory Commission. A.J. and Captain Bosch receive a lot of dirty looks until they are able to produce photographic evidence, taken from George Cooper’s files. It seems that, while he was photographing the homeless, George snapped some images of nasty-looking bite wounds, the kind you really should see a doctor about.
Turns out the NRC has gotten around the inability to transport toxic waste through New York by simply stockpiling it in the sewers. This has had the unfortunate side effect of mutating those who live down there into Cannibalistic Humanoid Underground Dwellers (C.H.U.D. for short). In time, the depth of the humanitarian crimes committed by Wilson (George Martin) of the NRC is brought to light. It seems that C.H.U.D. also stands for “Contamination Hazard Urban Disposal.” The implication is that Wilson knew of the risks that came with storing the radioactive waste in the sewers, knows exactly what those risks have created and cares more about his own reputation than the safety of those the C.H.U.D.s might attack and kill. He’ll even go to the extreme of opening up the gas lines to flood the sewers. This would eliminate the C.H.U.D.s, yes, but a secondary function would be the murder of any witnesses. It’s going to take the combined efforts of A.J., George and Capt. Bosch to stop him.
The thing about C.H.U.D. is that it does have a great cast, and they are given the proper time to establish their characters and make you care about what happens to them. This includes George’s pregnant girlfriend, Lauren (Kim Griest), whom I feel obliged to mention even though she’s mainly here to provide George with something to fight for. There’s even a cameo from John Goodman! If I’m being honest, I’d have to say that C.H.U.D. would work better as a conspiracy thriller/crime drama. Those are the parts of this movie that actually shine. It’s when we dip into the horror part of it, the appearance of and attacks from the C.H.U.D.s, that the movie slips into blandness. You’d think that we’d be suffering through long sections of dull exposition before finally getting to the exciting creature action, but C.H.U.D. apparently comes from a bizarro world where everything is the opposite.
Despite being a critical flop, C.H.U.D. did manage one direct-to-video sequel. Played mostly for laughs, 1989’s C.H.U.D. II: Bud the C.H.U.D. has almost nothing to do with the original film, apart from the name, and is far duller than its predecessor. The sequel does feature one scene with actress Tricia Leigh Fisher in an outfit that rivals her half-sister’s Return of the Jedi “slave girl” costume (in my opinion) …so there’s that. The original C.H.U.D. has no such moments of titillation. Sad to say that it might provide more lasting memories if it did.
Reel Affinity 