31 Screams in October, Vol. 3, #31: Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers (1988)

Director: Dwight H. Little

Starring: Donald Pleasence, Ellie Cornell, Danielle Harris

Sir Arthur Conan Doyle once tried to kill off Sherlock Holmes, but his readers wouldn’t have it. So,  Doyle had to come up with an explanation as to why it had only appeared that Holmes and his nemesis, Professor Moriarty, had apparently died together from a fall off a cliff. After the abysmal failure of “Halloween III: Season of the Witch,” the late Moustapha Akkad was left with a similar task to Doyle’s. The final scene of “Halloween II” saw both the psychotic, knife-wielding killer Michael Myers and his ‘Holmes,’ Dr. Sam Loomis (Donald Pleasence), apparently burning to death in a gas fire explosion at  Haddonfield Memorial Hospital. Although Jamie Lee Curtis had given him an out by declining to return, Akkad was still left with the unenviable task of finding a way of explaining how his series’ other two main characters could have survived.

At the film’s beginning (which was originally to have included an introduction explaining what REALLY happened at the end of Film #2), we learn that neither Dr. Loomis nor Michael Myers had perished in the fire at the hospital. It is now ten years after that brutal night, and Michael is in heavy bandages and lies in a coma at Ridgemont Federal Sanitarium, from where he is being prepped for transfer to Smith’s Grove. The ambulance crew make the mistake of mentioning the existence of his niece, Jamie Lloyd (Danielle Harris), and Michael suddenly awakens and kills everyone in the ambulance.

Learning of the incident, a heavily scarred Dr. Loomis is quickly on the scene, where he and others find the ambulance lying on its side in a creek, twisted and blood-stained. Although the severity of the wreck makes it impossible to tell who’s who among the casualties, Dr. Loomis knows Michael is not among them. Despite the sheer implausibility of anyone suddenly waking from a decade-long coma with muscles that haven’t atrophied, this does make for a visually exciting beginning. Loomis knows Michael will be heading back to Haddonfield to hunt down his niece, and races to warn Sheriff Meeker (Beau Starr) to be ready for Myers’ impending arrival.

After locating Jamie and her older stepsister, Rachel (Ellie Cornell), Loomis and Meeker are horrified to discover that Michael has annihilated everyone inside the police station. It is at this time that a band of vigilantes from the local bar arrive on the scene and take it upon themselves to track down and kill Michael. This prompts the Sheriff to call for official police reinforcements, blockading Rachel, Jamie, Brady (Sasha Jenson) and Kelly (Kathleen Kinmont) inside the Meeker home. It isn’t long before Michael shows up at the house, killing a deputy, Kelly (pinning her to a wall by shoving a shotgun through her!) and then Brady, and chasing Rachel and Jamie up onto the roof in one of the film’s more memorable scenes.

Both of the girls eventually fall to the ground below, and Dr. Loomis escorts Jamie to the schoolhouse, trying unsuccessfully to subdue Michael. This leads to perhaps the most preposterous scene in the whole movie (and yes, that includes Michael awakening from his coma with full strength and the aforementioned shotgun impalement). The group of vigilantes arrive in their truck to take the girls out of town, and thus out of danger. But Michael has other ideas, hitching a ride on the truck unbeknownst to everyone. From there, he somehow manages to individually dispose of every single one of the vigilantes without the rest of them ever hearing a sound. Never mind that he makes a ton of noise accomplishing this feat. He eventually kills the driver, too, (and in the movie’s bloodiest scene of all) by ripping the man’s neck wide open. Eww.

Rachel takes control of the truck and rams right into Michael, knocking him senseless several feet away. Although she is told to stay in the truck, Jamie gets out anyway and touches hands with her uncle. Sheriff Meeker then arrives with the squad of deputies, who raise their guns just in time to keep Michael from stabbing his niece from behind, sending him crashing into an old mine shaft. No way he’s getting out of there, right? Hey, if he can survive getting freaking burned alive in a gas fire…!

Back at the Carruthers home, all seems quiet. Even Dr. Loomis, although injured from the battle at the schoolhouse, appears to be all right. Jamie’s stepmom decides to draw her a bath. Jamie is still wearing her Halloween costume, which looks strikingly similar to the one worn by her uncle the night he killed his older sister Judith in 1963. Sure enough, Jamie puts on her mask, grabs a pair of scissors from the next room, enters the bathroom and stabs her stepmom. The shrieking alarms Dr. Loomis, who races to find Jamie at the top of the stairs, covered in her stepmom’s blood, and still wielding the scissors. Mortified by the scene in front of him, Dr. Loomis instinctively pulls out his gun, intending to kill Jamie. Sheriff Meeker wrestles the gun from Loomis’s hand and spins around to look up at Jamie. Rachel and Jamie’s stepfather arrive just afterwards. Everyone is in shock. Loomis in particular is both horrified and saddened, crumpling to the floor and able only to utter the word “No!” over and over. It appears that Evil has been passed (rather than destroyed) from uncle to niece and that Innocence has been corrupted once again.

What would have otherwise been an okay, yet totally unnecessary sequel is made ten times better by its conclusion. No matter how many times I have personally seen it, that final image of 11 year-old Danielle Harris wearing the bloody Halloween clown costume and holding up the pair of scissors in striking position is hard to erase from my mind. I just wish the producers would have had the guts to run full steam with this ending into the next (inevitable) sequel, because I think then that “Halloween 5” could have had the potential to become the most terrifying film in the franchise, or at least the best of the sequels.

“Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers” could have benefited from a little MORE restraint in the gore department, methinks. A couple of the deaths in this film are just plain ridiculous (in particular the previously mentioned Kelly Meeker). It’s Zombie Jason of the latter “Friday the 13th” sequels ridiculous. I also wish they could’ve gotten a more imposing mask for George Wilbur to wear in this film. Danielle Harris’s clown mask was scarier than that silly thing… even before the final shot! Still, a very decent entry in one of the greatest of all horror film series.

31 Screams in October, Vol. 3, #30: From Dusk Till Dawn (1996)

Director: Robert Rodriguez

Starring: Harvey Keitel, George Clooney, Quentin Tarantino, Juliette Lewis, Ernest Liu, Salma Hayek, Cheech Marin, Danny Trejo, Tom Savini, Fred Williamson, Michael Parks

It really doesn’t feel like it’s been 20 years since “From Dusk Till Dawn” was unleashed upon the world. In fact, it almost feels like it could have happened yesterday… or even overnight. The thing that best serves to keep this movie fresh in the mind is how effortlessly it is able to combine two completely different genres into one beautiful package. Add to that the fact that the script was written by Quentin Tarantino (as his first paid Hollywood writing gig) and an excellent cast of characters, and you have a classic modern horror movie on your hands.

Bank robbing brothers Seth (George Clooney) and Richie Gecko (Quentin Tarantino) are on the run, both from the FBI and law enforcement of the State of Texas. They’ve already killed a few cops, feds and civilians, and two more casualties soon follow at a liquor store. On top of it all, they’ve also kidnapped a bank clerk, to whom Seth has promised she will live as long as she does all that they ask of her. Unfortunately, Richie has a bit of an impulse control problem. He rapes and murders the woman while Seth has stepped out of their motel room to pick up some hamburgers.

Meanwhile, a family of three driving an RV fatefully stops to rest at the very same motel. Jacob Fuller (Harvey Keitel) is a former preacher who lately has questioned his faith following the death by auto accident of his wife. Jacob and his children, Kate (Juliette Lewis) and Scott (Ernest Liu), are to be the Gecko brothers’ next hostages. Forcing Jacob to drive past the Mexican border, the Gecko brothers’ destination is a strip club called the Titty Twister, where are supposed to rendezvous at dawn with a man named Carlos. Until that time, they intend to enjoy themselves, and encourage the Fullers to do the same.

The fun only lasts a short while. After a very sexy show from the featured attraction, Santanico Pandemonium (Salma Hayek), the truth of this place is revealed: All of the employees (the girls, the bartender, the band, Santanico and others) are in fact vampires! Most of the truckers and bikers who’ve shown up to eat, drink and get their rocks off are killed within minutes. Richie himself is bitten and killed by Santanico. When Richie turns, Seth is forced to drive a wooden stake through his heart. By the end of the initial assault, the only ones who still have a pulse are Seth, Jacob, Kate, Scott, Sex Machine (Tom Savini) and Frost (Fred Williamson).

As the survivors commit to dealing with the dead bodies so as to prevent them from rising up again, one of them bites Sex Machine on the arm. Gradually, he turns into a vampire. When he does, Sex Machine bites both Frost and Jacob. As Frost becomes a vampire, he tosses Sex Machine through a door, allowing a second wave of vampire to fly in as bats. Retreating to a storage room, Seth, Kate and Scott and an injured Jacob (wielding a shotgun) make the most out of what they can find to create weapons to be used against the vampire horde. This includes a Super Soaker with holy water (for Scott), a crossbow (for Kate), and a rather phallic pneumatic drill with an attached wooden stake (for Seth).

Going back out into the crowd of vampires, the group begins to fight back. Jacob doesn’t last long before he changes and bites Scott. Kate is forced to kill her father, and then her brother as well. Having lost their weapons in the fracas, Seth and Kate are down to one gun with a scant amount of ammunition. Daybreak arrives, and the sunlight starts to peek through the holes in the walls, made by earlier gunfire. Seth instructs Kate to create more holes, but it’s only partially effective, as the vampires continue to close in on them. Just then, Carlos (Cheech Marin) and his men show up outside. Seth hollers at him to shoot down the doors, which then exposes all the vampires inside to sunlight, killing them in a fiery explosion. Expressing anger at Carlos’s ignorance of just what kind of establishment that the Titty Twister turned out to have been, Seth makes their planned exchange, and give some of the money to Kate. Afterwards, Seth sends Kate on her way back home, while he departs for El Rey, Mexico.

The second-best movie I’ve watched all month (behind only “Psycho”), I have long considered “From Dusk Till Dawn” to be a fantastic movie in every conceivable way. It’s horrific (thanks to wonderful makeup effects from KNB), it’s well-acted… George Clooney in particular is just superb… and expertly written. I love the fact that it’s essentially two movies for the price of one, starting off as a action-crime getaway movie before transforming into a vampire flick at the sixty-minute mark.

I kinda wish we’d seen a little more from Tom Savini’s Sex Machine, as he’s just hilarious. Cheech Marin, a veteran of Robert Rodriguez’s films, plays three roles: in addition to Carlos, he also shows up as a border patrol officer and as one of the vampires. Greg Nicotero (best known today for his directing and supervision of the makeup effects on TV’s “The Walking Dead”), in addition to working on the makeup effects for “From Dusk Till Dawn,” also cameos as a biker from whom Sex Machine steals a beer. Although Nicotero’s character dies off-screen in the final cut of the film, a deleted scene shows that his head is bitten off by Santanico Pandemonium.

If you love the work of Quentin Tarantino but never have bothered with “From Dusk Till Dawn,” you’re missing a lot! Everything that makes a Tarantino script great is present here. If you’re a “Walking Dead” fan and love the gore that the show provides… same answer, except that it probably would have been even better before cuts were made to bring the movie down to an R-rating. Basically, you can’t go wrong. As fresh now as it was in 1996. Two decades from now, you’ll doubtless be able to say the same thing, because “From Dusk Till Dawn,” like the creatures of the night that it depicts, is immortal.

31 Screams in October, Vol. 3, #29: Slumber Party Massacre II (1987)

Director: Deborah Brock

Starring: Crystal Bernard, Patrick Lowe, Kimberly McArthur, Juliette Cummins, Heidi Kozak, Joel Hoffman, Scott Westmoreland, Atanis Ilitch

Usually, I have to look overseas to find a horror movie as ridiculous as this! Since “The Slumber Party Massacre” was released five years earlier, the slasher genre had been altered forever by the introduction (and subsequent popularity of) the “Nightmare on Elm Street” series. I mention this, because the existence of that franchise is the only satisfactory explanation I can come up with to rationalize the complete left turn into absurdity that is made by “Slumber Party Massacre II.” I only wish it had sustained the madness throughout its scant 75 minute runtime.

Courtney Bates (Crystal Bernard), the youngest survivor from the first film, is now a young adult who is plagued by nightmares of her earlier traumatic experience. She’s in an all-girl rock band, whose music you would only pretend to enjoy if you were her boyfriend or were looking to date her. The band, which includes Sheila (Juliette Cummins), Sally (Heidi Kozak) and Amy (Kimberly McArthur), go to a condo owned by Sheila’s parents where they intend to have a slumber party for the weekend. Matt (Patrick Lowe) is invited to come watch the band play and get to know Courtney, while Sheila’s boyfriend T.J. (Joel Hoffmann) and his buddy Jeff (Scott Westmoreland) crash the party.

All the while, Courtney’s disturbing nightmares persist. The dreams include the sight of her sister, Valerie, in a mental institution, as well as a man dressed in black and wielding a guitar with a large drill bit attached to the neck. These dark visions start to spill over into the waking world, confusing Courtney, worrying her friends and annoying local police. Finally, the Driller Killer emerges into the real world by killing Matt right in front of Courtney. With song and dance, he kills each of Courtney’s friends one by one until just the two of them are left. Courtney wins the battle, fulfilling the Driller Killer’s wish for her to “Light My Fire” by setting him ablaze. That’s when the movie, which has already been weird enough, takes a turn for the utterly mystifying with an ending that appears to show that the whole movie has been one big fakeout dream. Courtney first wakes up in her condo bed with Matt (which would only have nullified part of the movie) before he transforms into the Driller Killer. She screams, only to find that it is she, not her sister, who is in a mental institution. I give up.

The only real reason to watch this movie is for Atanas Illitch, who plays the Driller Killer. Atanas Illitch, the son of Mike Illitch (owner of the Detroit Tigers, the Detroit Red Wings, and owner/founder of Little Caesar’s Pizza), puts everything he’s got into the role, and what comes out is a terrifically hammy, 100% entertaining performance. Crystal Bernard is the only cast member to go on to anything of any real significance, starring on the hit 1990s TV sitcom “Wings,” but you probably wouldn’t have gauged that future success based on this movie. The sad thing about the Driller Killer is that the mayhem (and the awesomeness) doesn’t get underway until the film’s final 25 minutes. You’re left to either fast forward to that point, or suffer the first 50 minutes, which are excruciating apart from some female nudity. If you’re not into that, then yeah… it’s gonna be a chore to sit through, and all for a payoff that’s sorta/kinda worth it.

31 Screams in October, Vol. 3, #28: The Slumber Party Massacre (1982)

Director: Amy Holden Jones

Starring: Michele Michaels, Robin Stille, Michael Villella, Debra Deliso, Andree Honore, Gina Mari, Jennifer Meyers

Unimpressed by horror movies with nuanced plots? Looking for something extremely lightweight? Have you ever wondered what a slasher movie written and directed by women would look like? “The Slumber Party Massacre” is your app for that. Made during the height of the slasher genre’s popularity, “The Slumber Party Massacre” was intended as a parody of the genre, but was filmed straight. As a result, this low-budget horror still contains some of the humor from the original script, yet is unburdened by standard things such as plot or character development.

Trish (Michele Michaels) is a high school students whose parents are going away for the weekend. This provides an opportunity for Trish and friends Kim (Debra Deliso), Diane (Gina Mari), and Jackie (Andree Honore) to get together for a slumber party. Trish also wants to invite Valerie (Robin Stille), the new girl in school, but is turned down when Valerie overhears Diane talking trash about her in the girls’ locker room. Meanwhile, a serial killer named Russ Thorn (Michael Villella) has escaped from prison, looking to add to the list of five murders for which he’d been serving time. His weapon of choice: a power drill. Quickly, he kills a telephone repair woman and appropriates her van, and then kills a female student who becomes locked in the school after going back for a textbook.

As night falls, the slumber party begins. Three boys, including Diane’s boyfriend, show up to join in. Instead of going to the party, Valerie, who lives next door, has elected to stay home and babysit her younger sister, Courtney (Jennifer Meyers). Their relationship seems to be a contentious one, full of squabbling and insults… so, your typical sibling rivalry. Courtney wants to be where the fun is, but Valerie says “no” to the party. It isn’t long before Russ Thorn shows up to crash the party, killing a neighbor who’d promised Trish’s mother he’d watch over the house. Thorn gets into Trish’s house via the garage door, which no one in the house seems to have a firm grasp on how to close properly. Diane and her boyfriend, who step out to the garage for a make out session, are next to die.

Inside the house, nothing yet seems to be amiss. While Trish is on the phone with her gym teacher (who is quite clearly no more than five years older than her students) discussing a recent baseball game, the others are waiting for the pizza guy to show up. When he does, the girls are horrified to see him collapse to the floor dead, with bloody holes drilled where his eyes ought to be. The coach overhears the screams, then calls Valerie to check on the situation before deciding it’s better if she goes there personally. No further calls to or from Trish’s house are possible, as Thorn has cut the phone line. Both of the remaining boys are killed outside the house.

Back inside, Thorn kills Jackie, causing Trish and Kim to barricade themselves upstairs. When Courtney takes it upon herself to go check out the party, Valerie follows her, hoping to find out if everything’s okay over there. Scared out of their minds at this point, Trish and Kim wonder if Valerie and the killer aren’t somehow in cahoots. Thorn breaks into the bedroom and attacks Trish and Kim, stealing Kim’s knife and stabbing her to death with it. Valerie and Courtney enter the house and discover Kim’s body stuffed inside the refrigerator. Courtney hides under the couch, while Valerie eludes Thorn by going down to the basement.

With Courtney still under the couch, Thorn switches places with the dead pizza guy under the sheet which the girls had placed over the body. Just then, the coach shows up, but Thorn gets the drop on her and kills her. Trish, who was nearby, stabs Thorn, but that just pisses him off. After taking her time choosing a weapon with which to arm herself, Valerie emerges from the basement to attack Thorn with a machete. The action spills outside near Trish’s family swimming pool. There, Valerie cuts off a piece of the drill bit from Thorn’s power drill before cutting off his left hand as he falls into the swimming pool. Believing the nightmare is over, Valerie and Trish hug. Suddenly, Thorn leaps out of the swimming pool, only to fall directly onto the machete, still being held tightly by Valerie.

“The Slumber Party Massacre” is cheap, and definitely looks it. But this is a slasher movie, and they work best when they appear rough around the edges in every respect. Kudos to actor Michael Villella, whose crazy eyes are the creepiest thing about this movie. The movie itself scores points by cutting through the BS and skipping right into the action. I do wonder what it would have looked like had the satirical nature of the original script been followed to the letter. But the end result is a movie that belongs as part of a horror marathon. There are certainly less interesting ways to spend 75 minutes of your time.

 

31 Screams in October, Vol. 3, #27: One Missed Call (2003)

Director: Takashi Miike

Starring: Kou Shibasaki, Shinichi Tsutsumi, Kazue Fukiishi, Anna Nagata, Renji Ishibashi, Atsushi Ida, Mariko Tsutsui

Ah, yes, the Japanese ghost story. Always so bizarre! I’ve noted how this may well be my least favorite type of horror movie (werewolves run fairly close), and yet… at least technically… I’ve already dealt with two of them just this month. However, neither should count as they were not produced by Japan. One (“Pulse”) was a remake set in America, while the other (“The Forest”) was an original story set in Japan but featuring an American protagonist. 2003’s “One Missed Call” is the real deal. As batshit crazy and existing outside of anything resembling reality as the rest of its ilk, “One Missed Call” remains my one and only exception to my prejudice against this little subgenre.

A college student named Yoko Okazaki (Anna Nagata) receives a call on her cell phone, which she notices is from her own number. It goes straight to voicemail. The weird thing is that it’s dated two days to the future. Yoko and her friend Yumi Nakamura (Kou Shibasaki) listen to the message. Instantly recognizable as Yoko’s voice, the message ends with Yoko screaming. Two nights later, Yoko is having a phone conversation with Yumi which quickly becomes familiar, as Yoko is repeating the words from the voicemail. Soon, Yoko screams as she is dragged by an unknown presence off the bridge she was standing on and dropped down onto the roof of an oncoming train. From her mouth a red candy emerges, while a severed hand calls a number. Some time later, Yoko’s boyfriend, Kenji Kawai (Atsushi Ida), meets with Yumi and tells her that he received a voicemail with the exact same ringtone. To Yumi’s horror, Kenji is pulled by that same unidentified down an elevator shaft. As he dies, Kenji spits out a red candy and calls another number.

Yumi’s friend Natsumi Konishi (Kazue Fukiishi), is the next target of the deadly voicemail. The ghost has decided to mix things up a bit this time, adding photos to the voicemail. By this time, you have to be thinking that the easiest way out is to simply get rid of her cell phone, right? Well, Natsumi tries that, but it doesn’t work, because any cell phones owned by people she comes into contact with will contain the same message.

Word of the series of mysterious deaths has spread, and a TV host is interested in sensationalizing her story with a live exorcism on his program. Wanting very much to help her friend, Yumi talks to a detective named Hiroshi Yamashita (Shinichi Tsusumi). Yamashita has a special interest in helping Yumi. His sister had died in a fire after receiving a voicemail from her own number. Oh, but let’s not forget about Natsumi! So, the exorcism completely fails. Yumi is helpless to do anything but watch as her friend’s body is unnaturally twisted before her eyes. When Natsumi breathes her final breath, Yumi is next to receive the voicemail with the creepy ringtone.

Turns out that Yamashita’s sister, who was a social worker, kept a journal. In it, she talks two children whose mother was accused of child abuse. The last anyone saw of the mother, it was at a hospital which is due to be demolished soon as the result of a fire. One of the childer, Mimiko, died of asthma one year earlier. Her sister Nanako is the only living witness, but she’s unlikely to tell anyone her story as she hasn’t spoken a word since her sister died. She does have a doll which plays the same tune as the mysterious ringtone, though.

Following the one lead they’ve got, Yumi goes to the hospital, where ghosts harass her and scare the bejesus out of her. Finally, Yamashita shows up. In a dark room, Marie’s body is found, severely decomposing. Surprise, surprise… she’s holding a cellphone. The body suddenly reanimates and knocks Yamashita out of the room. At this point, Yumi starts thinking back to her own abusive mother, and this causes her to hug the grotesque corpse in front of her, which has returned to being little more than a rotting stiff.

Back at Nanako’s orphanage, Yamashita finds a nanny cam which proves that it was Mimiko, not her mother, who harmed Nanako. On this particular day, this is what caused her mother to leave Mimiko to die from her asthma. Understanding the truth, Yamashita tries to make it to Yumi’s apartment in time to save her from Mimiko’s ghost. However, when he gets there a possessed Yumi stabs him, and he falls to the ground. Not dead, Yamashita has a vision of himself saving Mimiko from her deadly asthma attack. When he awakens, he finds himself in a hospital with Yumi standing over him. From behind, we can see she is holding a knife, indicating she is still possessed. She spits a red candy into Yamashita’s mouth, and then smiles.

I don’t know if I can adequately explain why most Japanese ghost stories don’t interest me. By comparison, explaining why I feel “One Missed Call” works where others fail is fairly simple. You take the standard ghosts in the machine plot, hand it over to one of THE great Japanese filmmakers of the modern era, and let him do his thing. The surreal direction of Takashi Miike is why “One Missed Call” is in a class by itself. Far less disturbing than “Ichi the Killer” or “Audition,” it’s still one of Miike’s best. Kou Shibasaki is a talented lead with understated range. If you don’t believe me, check her out in “Battle Royale,” where she plays a deliciously villainous role. About the only thing I might change about this movie is to make the ending slightly easier to digest. It is a bit of a headscratcher, but doesn’t do enough to take away from the overall entertainment factor. If only more movies like it were this visually engaging, I might be able to change my mind about the genre as a whole.

31 Screams in October, Vol. 3, #26: I Spit on Your Grave (2010)

Director: Steven R. Monroe

Starring: Sarah Butler, Jeff Branson, Daniel Franzese, Rodney Eastman, Chad Lindberg, Tracy Walter, Andrew Howard

Brave little soldier that I am… and because it was part of the same DVD package as the original… this year, I watched 2010’s “I Spit on Your Grave” back-to-back with its 1978 counterpart. While that’s not a decision I regret (I’d seen both before), the combined brutality of both does leave me feeling a tad unclean. Pretty much every popular horror movie from the 1970s and 1980s has been remade within the last fifteen years. It was only a matter of time before this one happened. It was fate. To its credit, “I Spit on Your Grave” goes out of its way to outdo the original in terms of shocks. It was virtually impossible to make the rape scenes any more graphic without resorting to filming unsimulated sex, so the majority of the shocks and discomfort this time come from the initial physical assault, as well as the near-cartoonish violence during the revenge portion of the story.

Jennifer Hills (Sarah Butler) is a young novelist who has chosen to spend some time at a secluded cabin in order to work on her latest novel. Unlike the first film, a specific location in the United States is never pinned down. Judging from the accents, I’d call it a safe bet that we’re meant to be somewhere in the Deep South. Along the way, Jennifer comes into contact with gas station attendant Johnny (Jeff Branson) and his friends Stanley (Daniel Franzese) and Andy (Rodney Eastman). Johnny flirts with Sarah but, although she’s polite about it, his advances are all for naught.

When she is not writing, Jennifer spends the rest of her time relaxing in the sun, smoking marijuana and drinking alcohol, which she has enough of to put an entire fraternity in the hospital. The cabin she’s staying in isn’t perfect. For one thing, the plumbing needs work, with only dirty brown water coming from it. When Matthew (Chad Lindberg), a plumber with an obvious mental handicap comes to her rescue, Jennifer rewards him with a quick kiss as her way of saying “thanks.” Matthew then goes to his friends… the guys from the gas station… to tell them all about this girl up in a cabin who likes him. His ego still bruised from the earlier encounter, Johnny and the others all decide to go up to the cabin and teach Ms. Hills a lesson.

After some initial harassment which includes tossing dead birds at her window, the four men break into Jennifer’s cabin with the intent of helping Matthew to lose his virginity. They force Jennifer to perform oral sex on a gun and a bottle. Here’s where the movie’s plot takes more than a minor detour from the plot of the original. Jennifer somehow escapes into the woods and finds Sheriff Storch (Andrew Howard) out on a hunting trip. He goes with her back to the cabin, which is now empty. While there, Storch notes her stockpile of alcohol and her stash of marijuana, then takes it upon himself to frisk her. As he is doing this, Jennifer is starting to feel violated. Her concerns are worsened when the boys return, revealing that the they and the Sheriff are all in this together.

Jennifer is held down on the floor. Matthew is pressured into raping her, which he refuses to do. But, when the others begin taunting him and calling him names, Matthew finally relents. After Matthew is finished, Jennifer makes her way out into the woods, where she is cornered and held down again. Storch has his way with her, while Andy periodically holds her head underwater. As they do this, Stanley is filming the entire thing. It’s implied (though not explicitly shown) that the others take their turns as Jennifer passes out from the pain. When she comes to, she gets up and walks toward a bridge. Just as Storch is about to shoot Jennifer, she falls from the bridge, presumably to her death in the water below, although no evidence of her body can be found. Wanting there to be no trace of evidence, Storch destroys Stanley’s tape.

A month passes by. There is some evidence to suggest that Jennifer is still alive, but nothing concrete has yet surfaced. Then Stanley comes to realize that his camera is missing, and he panics. It would seem that the tape which Storch destroyed was blank, and that the tape containing Jennifer’s rape was still inside the camera. Upon hearing this, Johnny almost kills Stanley. Later that night, Johnny is harassed at his home in the same manner that Jennifer was, with dead birds being thrown at his window. When he sees that one of Jennifer’s slippers and a few of Matthew’s bracelets are part of the debris being thrown, Johnny suspects that Matthew is the culprit. When Storch’s wife receives a digital camera-sized tape in the mail, Storch angrily interrogates the boys to find out who sent it. They think it was Matthew. Also, Storch murders his hunting partner (he same man who rented the cabin to Jennifer), citing “loose ends” as his reason.

Matthew, haunted by what happened, goes looking for Jennifer inside the cabin. Finally finding her sitting on the couch waiting for him, an apologetic Matthew breaks down. “Forgiving” Matthew, Jennifer states that his apology isn’t good enough and, remembering how he choked her as he raped her, Jennifer chokes Matthew with a noose until he passes out. This is only the start of her revenge. Jennifer next goes after Stanley and Andy. She captures Stanley in a bear trap, turns on his camera, pins his eyelids back with fishhooks and smears fish guts all over his face. Birds then come and peck his eyes out. The guy who likes to watch can no longer see. Andy gets knocked unconscious with a baseball bat. When Andy comes to, he’s suspended above a tub filled with water. Jennifer pours some lye into the water, then removes one of the boards underneath him. Stanley can’t hold his head out of the water forever… and you can guess what happens when flesh meets lye.

This leaves Johnny and Sheriff Storch. Capturing Johnny, Jennifer recalls how he’d threatened to knock out her teeth. Accordingly, she pulls a few of his out before chopping off his manhood, causing him to bleed to death. Lastly, she lures in the Sheriff by visiting his wife and daughter and then apparently taking the daughter to the park. Storch is knocked out from behind. When he comes to, the man who anally raped Jennifer now has a shotgun shoved up his rectum. The trigger is tied to a string around an unconscious Matthew’s hand. When he wakes up, the gun goes off, killing both men.

While I applaud the writers for connecting each of the murders to actions committed by the men earlier in the film (something which the 1978 film didn’t do), the impracticality of Jennifer actually being able to carry out her plans does detract from it a bit. Not to mention how truly hard to watch it all is. Actress Sarah Butler does a tremendous job displaying Jennifer’s transformation from innocent victim to crazed killer, but I find the ambiguity of the fate of the sheriff’s daughter to be truly unsettling, and it does tend to leave Jennifer a bit less sympathetic than she started out. In fact, I find the inclusion of the Sheriff character and the whole subplot with his family to be one huge and unnecessary complication. The original film (which barely hinted at one of the characters’ families) got along just fine without all of that.

Shockingly, there is not one but two sequels to 2010’s “I Spit on Your Grave,” the latter of which sees the return of Sarah Butler as Jennifer Hills, more bloodthirsty than ever. There’s even apparently going to be a belated sequel to the 1978 film! This begs the obvious question: WHY?! What possible good can come from continuing the story? I can watch both the 1978 and 2010 versions of “I Spit on Your Grave” without much of a problem. It’s all pure fiction, and should be looked at as such. But nothing about either inspires me to actively search for more.

31 Screams in October, Vol. 3, #25: I Spit on Your Grave (1978)

Director: Meir Zarchi

Starring: Camille Keaton, Eron Tabor, Richard Pace, Anthony Nichols, Gunter Kleemann

Sometimes… not very often, but sometimes… I come across a horror movie so notorious that I question whether or not I should actually review it. I’m into exploring as many horror movies with infamous reputations as I think I can stomach. But I recognize that not everyone feels the same way. For this very reason, I held back on discussing 1978’s “I Spit on Your Grave”… a brutal story of rape/revenge… for at least a year, if not two. Originally titled “Day of the Woman,” “I Spit on Your Grave” is notorious for its scenes of graphic violence, both inflicted upon and carried out by its protagonist. How we react to said violence says as much about us and our notions of right and wrong as it does about the film itself.

Jennifer Hills (Camille Keaton) is an aspiring writer from New York who has chosen to spend some time at a secluded cabin in Connecticut in order to work on her first novel. The long-haired, free-spirited young woman comes into contact with gas station attendant Johnny (Eron Tabor) and his unemployed friends Stanley (Anthony Nichols) and Andy (Gunter Kleemann). After hearing from Matthew (Richard Pace), the mentally handicapped grocery store delivery boy, about a recent encounter with Jennifer (where Matthew says he “saw her breasts”), the men decide to take action. Stanley and Andy use their speedboat to harass Jennifer.

One afternoon, the men grab hold of Jennifer’s canoe while she is relaxing, and force her to shore where Johnny is lying in wait. The three men corner her, intending for Matthew to rape her… thus losing his virginity. Matthew declines, and so Johnny takes his place. Once the deed is done, Jennifer isn’t allowed to get very far before she’s cornered and raped a second time, by Andy. Nearly spent, Jennifer uses what remaining strength she has left to make it back to the cabin. Just about to call the authorities, Jennifer is stopped at the last second by the returning gang of thugs. She is raped a third time, first by Matthew (who says he can’t finish with the others watching) and then by Stanley. As they leave, they realize they can’t leave Jennifer alive, and they instruct Matthew to finish the job. He can’t bring himself to stab her, merely wiping blood from her cheek onto the knife as “proof.” The entire sequence runs about 32 minutes. If you’ve somehow managed make it this far into the movie, you may as well keep going to the end.

It takes a little time for Jennifer to gather herself together. In the meantime, the gang starts to grow concerned that no news of Jennifer’s supposed death has come up. It’s been days… weeks, even… and a body would start to stink up the woods like nothing else in that time. So, they go investigate. Sure enough, she’s not dead, and Matthew is beaten for his disobedience. That’s when Jennifer begins her plot for revenge. Oh brother, does she ever!

First, Jennifer orders from the grocery store. At first reluctant to make the delivery when he hears the address, Matthew rides his bike up to the cabin. Jennifer acts seductively, even allowing Matthew to have consensual sex with her out by the lake. Just as he climaxes, however, Jennifer ties a noose around his neck and hangs him from a tree. She next goes looking for Johnny at the gas station. At first holding him at gunpoint, Jennifer brings Johnny up to the cabin to give him a bath. While pleasuring him, Jennifer uses a knife (which Matthew had stolen from the grocery store) to… shall we say… separate Johnny from his best friend. As Johnny lay screaming and bleeding to death in the bathroom, Jennifer locks the door and goes downstairs to drown out the noise with classical music, later disposing of the evidence.

When Johnny doesn’t show up for work, his two remaining lackeys go up to the cabin in their speedboat in search of him. Andy goes ashore, armed with an axe. Stanley, still in the boat, is pushed out by an emerging Jennifer. Seeing this, Andy moves to attack but misses, and Jennifer gains control of the axe. As Andy tries to help Stanley, he is killed with the axe. Stanley then pleads for his life, but Jennifer (echoing words which Stanley had spoken to her) says, “Suck it, bitch!” and disembowels him with the boat’s motor.

It’s impossible to disguise the fact that “I Spit on Your Grave” is an unpleasant movie from beginning to end. There is no way for someone to call this movie entertaining and come out sounding sane. The acting is purely amateur hour. One positive I can legitimately draw from the movie is the almost total lack of music, allowing for zero distractions during the movie’s most serious scenes. Another would be this: While the promotional material touts that “no jury in the world would convict her,” there is a sense that perhaps we are not necessarily intended to cheer one form of violence over the other. Not that you aren’t allowed to. It is only a movie, after all.

31 Screams in October, Vol. 3, #24: Cabin Fever (2002)

Director: Eli Roth

Starring: Rider Strong, Jordan Ladd, James DeBello, Cerina Vincent, Joey Kern, Arie Verveen, Giuseppe Andrews

If “Jaws” made you reconsider jumping into the water, then how much further does “Cabin Fever” go to make us paranoid about the good ol’ H2O? With moments of humor that do diffuse the situation a bit, it’s still a movie about a flesh-eating virus… something which does indeed happen in various parts of the world… and that is truly unsettling. It could have even verged towards revolting. But it doesn’t, and that’s thanks to the aforementioned humor, a likable cast, and a director’s knowledge of and love for the horror genre.

The film wastes no time in getting the story started, as a hermit comes across his dead dog, touching it without realizing it has been infected with a horrible, unidentified virus. Completely unaware that anything is amiss is a group of college students on their way to spend some down time at a cabin in the woods. Jeff (Joey Kern) and Marcy (Cerina Vincent) are already a couple, whereas Paul (Rider Strong) is still working up the courage to move his childhood friendship with Karen (Jordan Ladd) to the next level. The group’s fifth member, Burt (James DeBello) is crass and stupid. He’s the one who first encounters the hermit, now visibly diseased, whom he chases away with his rifle. Shaken by the incident, Burt decides to tell no one.

Sitting around a campfire at night, the group is visited by a strange young man named Grimm (director Eli Roth) and his obviously unfriendly dog, Dr. Mambo. They’re just about to send the guy packing when he reveals that he’s carrying a large bag of marijuana. That changes their minds really fast! As it starts to rain, Grimm realizes he has left behind some personal belongings which he doesn’t want to get wet, so he leaves. Soon after, the hermit returns, sicker than ever. Spewing blood everywhere, he scares the group back into the cabin, but they come back outside to scare him off when they see him trying to steal their car. In the process, the car is both vomited on and smashed up by weapons wielded by the group. Paul then accidentally sets the hermit on fire.

Going for help, they manage to stumble upon a house owned by the hermit’s cousin, so they back away. When they return, they find Dr. Mambo outside (with Grimm nowhere to be found) stalking the cabin. Everyone’s still quite distraught over what happened. The whole thing has made Karen feel a bit ill. Almost as if on cue, Deputy Winston (Giuseppe Andrews) shows up to investigate the disappearance of the hermit. Paul explains what happened, expressing guilt over the whole thing. Surprisingly, Winston tells him not to worry about a thing, suggesting that he instead continue having fun and promising a tow truck for Paul, whom he nicknames the “Party Man.”

Paul attempts to comfort Karen, initiating an intimate moment. As he moves to touch her, Paul does not realize right away that he is actually fingering infected skin on her leg. In a panic, Karen’s friends quarantine her in a shed outside. Knowing that they have to get Karen to a hospital fast, they work on cleaning and fixing the truck. Just as Burt completes his repairs, he realizes that he too is coming down with the flesh-eating virus. As with his encounter with the hermit, he shares this news with no one. The time has come to drive Karen to the hospital, but she vomits all over the truck before they can get her anywhere. Jeff, the coward of the group, chooses that moment to run off and hide, taking a bunch of beer with him. Burt drives down to the convenience store to try and summon aid. All he accomplishes is welcoming the wrath of the locals when a youngster who is prone to biting people takes a chunk out of Burt’s hand, thus infecting himself. As a result, the boy’s father and two other armed men chase Burt back to the cabin.

With Karen back in the shed, Paul and Marcy fear that death is coming for them soon. In their despair, the two have sex, an affair which they regret soon after. Paul leaves, while Marcy stays to bathe. While shaving her legs, her own infections start to reveal themselves. Panicking, Marcy runs outside and is immediately torn apart by Dr. Mambo. Elsewhere, Paul learns the source of the infection after discovering the charred remains of the hermit in the reservoir which serves as the cabin’s water supply. Running back to the cabin, he is too late to save either Marcy or Karen, whom Dr. Mambo is feeding on. Paul kills Dr. Mambo with Burt’s rifle, and then mercy kills Karen with a shovel.

When Burt returns to the cabin, the posse kills him before they in turn are all killed by Paul. Looking for Jeff, Paul finds the infected corpse of Grimm instead. Paul, noting that he is also now infected, takes the posse’s truck. Accidentally hitting a deer along the way, Paul is drenched in deer blood (no doubt mixed with some of his own) by the time he reunites with Winston, who is hosting an outdoor party. Winston had forgotten all about his promise to the “Party Man.” Paul disrupts the party, vomiting on some of the guests and knocking Winston out. Later, a passerby gives a visibly sick Paul a ride to the hospital, where he is unable to give any explanation for his illness, which the hospital is ill-equipped to handle. The sheriff tells a returning Deputy Winston to “handle” the situation. Paul tries to warn Winston about the source of the disease, which Winston misinterprets as Paul asking for water. Winston responds by leaving Paul near a creek. This infects the water in the creek, which is later seen being used for lemonade and bottled water (which is then shipped out to who knows where).

In the aftermath, Jeff returns to the cabin from whatever hole he crawled into. Initially saddened by the death of his friends, his despair turns to euphoria when he realizes he’s survived. Jeff’s ecstasy is short-lived, however, because he’s shot dead by police as soon as he steps back out of the cabin. However, since the police and many of the town’s citizens have already drunk the infected creek water, karma will be visiting them all soon enough.

I had watched the TV series “Boy Meets World” as a kid, so I was already quite familiar with actor Rider Strong by the time “Cabin Fever” was released to theaters. It’s a shame he hasn’t had a more successful career, because he’s really quite talented, and serves as a strong, relatable lead for “Cabin Fever.”  The idea for the movie came to writer/director Eli Roth after developing a skin infection on a trip to Iceland. Roth also displays his love of the genre with nods to films such as “Pieces,” “The Evil Dead,” “The Texas Chainsaw Massacre,” “Night of the Living Dead,” and “The Last House on the Left.” The main theme song for “The Last House on the Left” (entitled “The Road Leads to Nowhere – Wait for the Rain”) even appears on the soundtrack for “Cabin Fever.”

The bloody nature of a movie like “Cabin Fever” would be too much were it not counterbalanced by its moments of amusement. Much of this is provided by the scene-stealing Giuseppe Andrews as Deputy Winston. This is one officer of the law which anyone would want to party with, no matter how much of a dumbass he is. As this was Eli Roth’s directorial debut, he really hit it out of the park on this one. But “Cabin Fever” really deserved to be a standalone film. Instead, there has been a sequel, a prequel and a 2016 remake! Watch “Cabin Fever,” but avoid all the other series entries like the plague!

31 Screams in October, Vol. 3, #23: Hatchet II (2010)

Director: Adam Green

Starring: Danielle Harris, Tony Todd, Kane Hodder, Parry Shen, Tom Holland, R.A. Mihailoff, A.J. Bowen, Alexis Peters, Ed Ackerman, David Foy, Colton Dunn, Rick McCallum

No mistake, “Hatchet” was a visual treat for all horror fans. But that abrupt ending still sticks in the mind. There needed to be more story! Fortunately, that’s where “Hatchet II” comes in handy. Besides continuing the plot, “Hatchet II” would also have to deal with the need to recast its returning lead character. Considering that the cast of the first film was filled with genre actors, it made perfect sense to add another one to the mix. So… back to it!

Picking up immediately where “Hatchet” left off, Marybeth Dunston (now played by Danielle Harris) narrowly escapes an attack from Victor Crowley (Kane Hodder) and seeks refuge in a cabin occupied by Jack Cracker (John Carl Beuchler), the ‘prophet of doom’ from the first film. She is soon chased out of the cabin at gunpoint after divulging her surname. Jack tells her to seek out Reverend Zombie (Tony Todd). Soon after she leaves, Victor Crowley kills Jack Cracker by pulling out his intestines, using them to strangle him with such force that Jack is decapitated (all for comic effect, of course)!

When Marybeth goes to see Reverend Zombie, he tells her the tour boat she boarded was one of his. After learning her last name, Zombie also tells Marybeth that her father was one of the teenagers who accidentally set fire to the Crowley house, the incident which led to Victor’s accidental death (as detailed in the first film). It is also revealed that Victor was the product of an affair between his father, Thomas (Kane Hodder), and a nurse who was caring for Thomas’s dying wife.

Marybeth insists upon returning to the swamp to retrieve the bodies of her dead father and brother. Reverend Zombie agrees to take her, on one very specific condition: Marybeth must bring along a family member. It takes some doing, but Marybeth manages to persuade her uncle Bob (noted horror actor/writer/director Tom Holland) to accompany her. Reverend Zombie forms a posse with the promise of payment. He also lies to Justin (Parry Shen) about the fate of his twin brother Shawn.

Once in the swamp, the tour boat is located, and the group splits up to search for both Victor Crowley and the bodies of Marybeth’s family. Reverend Zombie tells Justin the identities of the three kids who started the fire that killed Victor Crowley: In addition to Marybeth’s father, Sampson, there also was his brother and Trent Graves (R.A. Mihailoff), the latter of whom is part of the posse which Zombie has brought to the swamp. The Reverend believes that Crowley’s soul can finally rest once he’s avenged himself upon each of his three former tormentors.

As the search for the bodies of Sampson and Ainsley Dunston carries on, Victor Crowley systematically kills off each member of the hunting party one-by-one in increasingly absurd ways. At this point, the only survivors left are Marybeth, Bob, Trent, Justin, and Revernd Zombie. Barricading themselves inside the Crowley cabin, they do not remain safe for long. Justin is killed first. In a futile attempt to save him, Bob accidentally lets Victor inside the cabin. Victor kills Trent first, and then tunrs his attention to Bob. Reverend Zombie grabs Marybeth and leaves, but not before locking Bob inside. Victor kills Bob rather easily. Marybeth is distraught, but Reverend Zombie stands victorious. The Reverend’s bubble is quickly burst when Marybeth tells him that her uncle died years ago, and that Bob is merely her father’s best friend.

A very much alive Victor Crowley emerges from the cabin and kills Reverend Zombie. Marybeth has seen enough. Using Victor’s own hatchet against him, Marybeth sinks it right into Victor’s forehead. Unsatisfied after he has fallen to the ground, Marybeth hits Victor over and over again with the hatchet until very little resembling a skull remains. She then walks off-screen as Victor’s body continues to twitch, returning with Reverend Zombie’s shotgun which she unloads into Victor’s exposed brains. As she does this, the movie abruptly ends.

In many ways, I find “Hatchet II” to be a sequel that surpasses the original. Once again, it’s the collection of horror icons as well as the copious amounts of blood and gore that make it all work. Although I miss Tamara Feldman as Marybeth, I’m a huge Danielle Harris fan, so having her on board for “Hatchet II” was a major selling point for me. I can’t imagine this movie without Danielle. There is, of course, a “Hatchet III,” but I’ve not seen that one yet and don’t currently have access to a copy, so a review of that film will have to wait for another time. As for “Hatchet II,” if you liked the first one (and I can’t see any reason why you shouldn’t), then Part II will give you everything you’re looking for.

31 Screams in October, Vol. 3, #22: Hatchet (2006)

Director: Adam Green

Starring: Joel David Moore, Tamara Feldman, Deon Richmond, Mercedes McNab, Parry Shen, Joleigh Fioreavanti, Joel Murray, Richard Riehle, Patrika Darbo, Joshua Leonard, Tony Todd, Robert Englund, Kane Hodder

Before Sylvester Stallone got a bunch of his buddies together for the “Expendables” series of action films, the horror genre had already conceived of “Hatchet,” a virtual who’s-who of genre actors made by horror fans for horror fans. Having much in common with the “Friday the 13th” series, “Hatchet” is never once meant to be taken seriously. It’s just a bloody, often hilarious way to spend 80 minutes of your time.

Sampson Dunston (Robert Englund) and son Ainsley (Joshua Leonard) are fishing in a Louisiana swamp when they are attacked and killed by a monstrous, unidentified assailant. The next day, during Mardi Gras, Ben (Joel David Moore) decides that the festivities aren’t his kind of thing and instead elects to go on a haunted swamp tour. Despite his better judgment, Ben’s best friend Marcus (Deon Richmond) decides to accompany him. Sadly, the tour has been closed due to negligence. The tour’s guide, Rev. Zombie (Tony Todd) recommends a similar tour down the street run by Shawn (Parry Shen), who neglects to tell his customers beforehand that he’s only done this once before. Marcus nearly leaves, but changes his mind when two amateur porn actresses, Misty (Mercedes McNab) and Jenna (Joleigh Fioreavanti) join the group. Also along for the ride are the girls’ director, Doug Shapiro (Joel Murray), and Jim and Shannon Permatteo (Richard Riehle and Patrika Darbo). The final guest on the boat ride to Hell is Marybeth Dunston (Tamara Feldman), sister of Ainsley and daughter of Sampson.

Along the way, a homeless man warns them not to go any further, but Shawn dismisses him entirely. Soon after, the boat hits a rock and starts to sink, forcing the passengers to continue on foot. During the tour, Shawn had been reading from a set of cards the legend of Victor Crowley (Kane Hodder), a horribly deformed creature who once lived in this very swamp. But he’d apparently been getting several of his facts wrong, including the location of the Crowley home, as Marybeth corrects him at every turn.

Once it’s established that the crew is indeed stranded, Marybeth details the true legend of Victor Crowley. In an origin story which sounds (deliberately) similar to that of Jason Voorhees from “Friday the 13th,” Victor Crowley was a horribly disfigured child who was constantly tormented by kids his own age. As a result, his father kept him hidden away in the house in which they lived. The house accidentally caught on fire one night when a group of mean teenagers threw fireworks at it to scare Victor. His father tried to free Victor by breaking down the door with a hatchet, but accidentally killed his son by driving the hatchet into Victor’s head. His father later died of a broken heart. That would be the end of the story, except that the legend says that Victor is alive somehow, and one can still occasionally hear him calling out for his dead father.

The legend proves to be true, as Victor emerges from the house and kills both Jim and Shannon. Marybeth tries shooting Victor, but he just gets right back up. Shapiro, who has gone off on his own, is hunted down and killed by Victor. The others go looking for weapons. In the process, Marybeth discovers the corpses of her father and brother. Victor returns and kills Jenna and Shawn. While Ben goes looking for a gas can to set Victor on fire, Marybeth and Marcus try to lure him in while Misty stands as a lookout. Victor dismembers Misty off-screen, throwing the pieces at Ben. Ben discovers one can with gas left in it, which he throws onto Victor. Marybeth and Marcus set him ablaze. Unfortunately, at that precise moment, the heavens open up and it starts to rain.

The trio starts to run away, but Marcus is caught and killed. Victor pins Ben’s foot to the ground with a gate pole, which Ben and Marybeth then use to impale Victor. Seemingly escaping with their lives, Marybeth and Ben board her father’s boat. Marybeth is somehow pulled underwater. Nearly drowning, she spots Ben’s arm and grabs hold… but finds that the arm has been severed and is being held by Victor Crowley, who roars in Marybeth’s face as the movie abruptly ends…

Apart from the lame non-ending, “Hatchet” is at times over-the-top, but entertaining. Love slasher films of the 1980s? The people who made this movie do, too, and it shows. As bloody as “Friday the 13th Part VII” was supposed to be before the censors got to it, the real treat is seeing all the genre actors in one place: Robert Englund (“A Nightmare on Elm Street”), Tony Todd (“Candyman”), Kane Hodder (“Friday the 13th” Parts VII-X), Joshua Leonard (“The Blair Witch Project”), John Carl Buechler (director of “Friday the 13th Part VII”) and Mercedes McNab (TV’s “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” and “Angel”).

The best way to experience “Hatchet” is to get a bunch of your friends together. For optimal viewing experience, it’s best to marathon this with the sequels. Doing this also makes certain that the ending that’s not really an ending won’t annoy you at all. If you’re not already a slasher fan, I don’t even know why you’d be reading this review, much less watching “Hatchet.”  Extremely stupid? Of course it is, but that’s exactly the point. If that’s you’re thing, “Hatchet” delivers.